It's miraculous to me how the universe, in its infinite wisdom and divine intelligence, always supports us. Until I started writing this story, I didn't realize how precise this illness had been in terms of the ways it had physically manifested. Looking back I now realize that it held layers of meaning beyond my mind's comprehension.
The revelation found me when I was literally standing in front of a mirror.
I was bullied by my peers throughout my childhood and early adolescence. From kindergarten to tenth grade, my days were full of physical and emotional abuse. This illness expressed for me all the pain I had felt back then but, for some reason, buried. The hot, painful blisters were reminiscent of a second-degree burn I had received in first grade; a classmate seared my bare arm on a steaming radiator for no apparent reason. The repeated stinging sensation I experienced was symbolic of the mean-spirited, sing/song chant, directed at me by others, intending to jab me; it did, over and over, and over again. The irritating rash on my back represented uncomfortable experiences from my past that I had let get under my skin. Even the exhaustion had served a purpose. It forced me to be still. It afforded me the opportunity to feel the feelings I had tried so hard to ignore. I couldn't run away from the pain this time; there was nowhere to hide.
It took me decades to heal and take back my power. This illness depicted graphic excerpts of the painful journey.
Back to the backstory...
Healing is a process. It doesn't happen overnight, all at once. Rather, it happens in stages over time. I know this as a healer. I remind people of this all the time. But as I lay in bed, my patience went out the window. All I wanted to do was speed things up. All I wanted was instant relief. All I wanted was to feel the way I felt before I got sick.
This time, The Silent Voices reached out to me.
You do that a lot, you know.
"What do I do?"
You clench your fists.
"I do? I didn't realize that. How often do I do it?"
"OK...So my fists are clenched. What does that have to do with anything?"
The universe has presented you with a gift, Love. And you keep saying, "No thank you."
"I don't understand."
You need to think outside the box.
"Cute. But I still have no idea what you're taking about. Are you implying that this illness is a gift?"
We are telling you the truth, Dear Heart, just as we always do.
"This doesn't make sense to me at all. How am I supposed to figure this out?"
You can ask your mind the question, but only your heart knows the answer.